Folk proverbs are a body of inherited social experience passed down from one generation to the next. They are also among the cultural components that are preserved, reproduced, and employed through socialization. Folk proverbs are marked by a kind of sanctity and permanence, as they embody the experiences of earlier generations. The lessons drawn from those life experiences are treated as an approach that should neither be departed from nor questioned, because they serve as a social yardstick and a guide to behavior, not to mention that they are an important mechanism of social control.
The Tunisian writer Mohamed Marzouki defined proverbs as “sayings of wisdom gathered into expressions distinguished by brevity, eloquence, and refinement, and they enter into all aspects of life. Some proverbs concern everyday dealings among people, while others concern upbringing and the moral values accepted by society. Because of their eloquence and fine phrasing, they are easy to memorize and quickly lodge in the mind upon being heard, because they point to one of life’s enduring truths that do not change. They are valid for every time and place because they are the result of social or individual experience, and they are the distilled truths of human civilization; that is, they are almost universal human truths.”
Socialization, meanwhile, is a set of processes (education, upbringing, the building of collective memory, and so on) aimed at equipping the individual with a set of norms and behavioral controls established by the group in order to perform specific social roles. Thus, by adhering to these norms, the individual becomes a real extension of their society’s culture. This is clearly reflected in representations of women in Arab societies—or, more precisely, in patriarchal societies.
Folk Proverbs That Belittle Women
Folk proverbs are generally built around imagery, which fundamentally embodies the symbolic mental structures of individuals. This symbolism is linked to social heritage embedded in the unconscious. Among these images, the image of women occupies a large space and appears prominently in such proverbs. Despite the social and cultural development of societies, these proverbs remain a basic reference in shaping opinions and attitudes. The image of women in them is usually marked either by secondary status or inferiority, as if women had no value in society. This has in fact been reflected in the social practices of Arab societies, despite the status women have reached today.
In the eyes of her society, however, a woman is like a story without a title. We can clearly observe a close connection between folk proverbs and social customs and traditions in shaping the stereotypical image of women according to their social roles: proverbs about her as a wife, others as a daughter, others as a mother-in-law, and even as a lover. Most proverbs—if not all of them—draw and entrench a negative stereotypical image of women within the social heritage, thereby becoming an intellectual and practical reference that is socially justified.
For this reason, Arab societies often celebrate the birth of a boy at the expense of a girl. A Tunisian proverb says, “Whoever has a son has support, and whoever has a daughter has his back broken,” and another says, “A boy is prosperity, and a girl is a loss,” meaning that the male represents continuity and extension, while the girl is seen as a loss to her family.
In the same context, we find Egyptian folk proverbs such as, “When they said it was a boy, his mother’s back straightened and found support; when they said it was a girl, the wall collapsed on me,” as well as, “The mother of boys is fortunate, and the mother of girls is wailing.” In the Levant, there is the saying, “The mother of a girl leans on a thread, while the mother of a boy leans on a wall.” Perhaps this social legacy, entrenched by the cultural system in privileging males over females, led society to adopt a symbolic form of female burial. By this we do not mean the literal burying alive of girls in the pre-Islamic era, but rather that in later societies this ‘burial’ became symbolic through exclusionary images of women. A Tunisian proverb says, “Do not teach your daughter letters, and do not house her in rooms,” and similarly, “Do not educate your daughter, or you will regret the consequences,” meaning that a girl should not be educated lest she become enlightened and rebel against her husband and society, and she should not be accustomed to luxurious rooms lest she grow used to comfort, because she is expected to toil and work.
Many Arab folk proverbs reinforce the phenomenon of violence by treating it as a normal—indeed obligatory—part of the proper upbringing of girls, a practice that is socially and culturally justified.
We also find proverbs that reinforce the humiliation and belittlement of women, such as, “The burden of daughters lasts until death,” a proverb found in nearly all Arab countries. Women are also compared to animals in sayings such as, “Better two scorpions on the wall than two daughters in the house,” and, “Better the sound of a viper than the sound of a girl.” A Tunisian proverb says, “Roaming the sea is mastery; knowing men is treasure; knowing women is filth, from the youngest to the oldest.”
These folk proverbs reinforce the inferior image of women in Arab society, making all mechanisms of exclusion seem permissible, not to mention the psychological harm involved. Woman becomes “the burden” and the source of evil—something we have previously discussed in one of our articles on Al-Hal Net.
Among the examples that embody the clear discrimination between male and female is the proverb, “Spoil your son and he will enrich you; spoil your daughter and she will disgrace you.” In Egypt, people used to say, “Father of a girl, do not let her go without, for in the end she will go to her husband’s house.” There is also a widely circulated proverb that contains a grave insult to women: “Cleanliness is part of faith, and filth comes from women.” In the same context, we find the Moroccan proverb, “A woman is a snake girded with the devil,” and the Tunisian proverb, “A man’s cunning counts as two, and women’s cunning as sixteen.” Both proverbs point to women’s supposed deceitfulness and call on people not to trust them, on the grounds that they are a source of treachery.
Folk proverbs also place responsibility for socialization on the mother, so a daughter’s character is seen as reflecting the mother’s character, as expressed in the proverb, “Turn the pot over on its mouth, and the daughter will turn out like her mother.” Yet the actual background of the proverb is quite different: it reflects a time when it was considered shameful for a woman’s voice to be heard. When women went up to the roof to hang laundry, spread out stored provisions, or do other tasks, they would turn an old pot upside down and drum on it, so the daughter would understand that her mother needed help and would come up to the roof. But the popular imagination later entrenched the idea that a girl’s morals come from her mother’s morals, making the mother responsible for any failing.
This is what the Lebanese thinker Mustafa Hijazi pointed to when he said: “The role of this alienation lies in the fact that women are responsible for children’s early and later socialization. Once they become convinced of the social order as a whole, they can transmit it to their children. Here lies the function of this alienation, since women are an important channel for transmitting culture, and therefore must be convinced of the basic foundations of that culture. Folk heritage has strong power in entrenching customs and traditions, and it is not easy to change except over the long term, through gradual and transitional stages toward a more flexible society.”
Many Arab folk proverbs also reinforce the phenomenon of violence by treating it as a normal—indeed obligatory—part of the proper upbringing of girls, a practice that is socially and culturally justified. Among these is the Syrian proverb, “Women are like olives: they only turn out well when beaten,” as well as the saying, “If you want your wife to soften toward you, use fig wood,” meaning that the harsher men are with women, the more compliant women become. Some folk proverbs also reinforce the idea that women should accept violence against them, such as, “She who endures keeps her home standing,” meaning that a woman who endures her husband’s abuse and accepts it is safe from divorce. This proverb reflects the scale of the suffering endured by abused women who find no support from their families and who live under the social stigma directed at them if they reject the violence practiced against them.
Folk Proverbs That Enhance the Image of Women
Despite the many folk proverbs that suggest an inferior image of women in Arab societies, collective memory has also produced an image that appears positive on the surface but is, in reality, rooted in exploitation and utility, as we shall see. For example, there is the proverb, “He who has daughters never dies,” and also, “He who has no daughter will have no one to weep for him,” meaning that the man who fathers daughters does not truly die, because his daughters preserve his memory even after his death.
Despite the inferior image of women compared with men in many Arab families, women often bear responsibility for their mothers and fathers and shoulder all their burdens, even though religion and society do not formally place this duty upon them.
As for the second proverb, it suggests that whoever has daughters need not be mourned, because his daughters will mourn and eulogize him. As for the mother, there is a Tunisian proverb that says, “Fortunate is she who has a girl: she is like a little mother and a sister,” meaning that the woman who gives birth to a girl is fortunate, for the girl becomes both a helper and a companion to her mother. She assists her with the burdens of life, especially domestic ones. Here the utilitarian image of having a girl in the home becomes clear, as reflected in the following proverbs: “She who has no girl—who will bring her water?” and “When they told me it was a girl, I said: my beloved will wash for me, cook for me, and fill my water jars for me.” Here we see a traditional investment in the gendered division of roles. Socially, however, privilege, family continuity, and inheritance are reserved for the male, who is nominally assigned responsibility for caring for his parents in old age by religious and social values.
But the opposite is often true. Despite the inferior image of women compared with men in many Arab families, women often bear responsibility for their mothers and fathers and carry out all their burdens, even though religion and society exempt them from this duty, especially when they are married. The circulation and spread of this reality in society has changed family attitudes regarding the role and value of girls within their households, and giving birth to a girl has, in some cases, become more valued than giving birth to boys.
Encouraging girls to pursue education and securing their future has also become one of the most important duties families owe their daughters. Today, social systems are changing, and with them social perceptions and representations are changing as well. Girls have come to provide psychological and social support to their families. We conclude here with the Tunisian proverb, “Fortunate is she who has two—pistachio and almond,” meaning that the woman who gives birth to two girls is fortunate, for they are precious and sweet like nuts.
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